||[Jul. 13th, 2017|10:14 pm]
Transitioning into liminal space
It's been another difficult week.
I had another version of the school dream. I was wandering around the corridors of a school while classes were in session. I was supposed to be in a class, but I'd been too busy to keep up with it and if I went into the room the professor would find out and I'd be ashamed of myself. A few days before that, I had a dream bout being at the shelter I volunteer at (number 1) and one of the long-time people there was criticizing the way I was handling the dogs, with justification. I felt terrible about myself; that I'd been failing in my commitment to the animals.
I've been told a few times at the shelter I work at (number 2) that I'm doing tasks too slowly. Added to some confusion and conflicting information about which way certain things should be done, and some political stuff, I've been very uncomfortable at times. On Tuesday, I forgot my morning Bupropion pill and during the day I half-seriously wondered if there was so much stress there that I'd do better for myself if I resigned and went back to dog-walking. Once I was on meds again, things were more manageable. That day confirmed again how much these meds do for me.
So I'd better get over my anxiety about scheduling a new appointment with my psychiatrist. I had to cancel one after starting work full-time, and haven't managed to reschedule one. They've left me voice mail a few times, but I haven't managed to get back to them. (With Danae's help, I finally called this evening, but they were closed. I may have to call during my lunch break.)
My appetites for sleep and chocolate have been high this week. For several days, I've come home and fallen asleep on the couch until late, had some food, and gone to bed. I think it's more depression that sleepiness. I slept 'till nine again today, but I'm feeling better this evening than I have for a while.
I need to figure out a way to get myself to, as a habit, get on my bike for an hour or so after work every day. Being lethargic and depressed wastes more time than that every day so there isn't a time loss, and I know it would be good for me. It's really hard to do though.
Other things have happened that I mean to write about, but I haven't gotten to them. My uncle came to Kenosha to meet me at my parents' house. He picked up my grandfather's smithing tools and equipment for he and his sons to use. Not having used them for so long made me sad; I felt a bit like I was letting my grandfather down. I felt a connection to him through them as well, and will miss being able to touch the anvil as I enter the basement at my parents' house. But I'm also happy to know they will be getting some use, and my uncle described the arrangement as a sort of taking care of them for me until a day I might have space for them again. They're in good hands until then.
I went up to Kenosha on...was it Monday?...to pick up my Marantz and visit my family. I hit four thrift stores on the way north, and then my dad and I went to another five together in Kenosha and Racine. I'm happy to have spent some time with him.
We had surprise bunny babies at shelter 2. The rabbit was at the vet a week before, after it was surrendered to us, and they noticed nothing amiss. One morning this week I opened her cage and saw straw writhing around as though something were under it. I looked more closely and saw some kind of large, pink thing that looked like a grub. "What the hell?" I said, looking closer. The thought that there was some kind of giant bug in the cage really freaked me out until I realized it was three baby bunnies.