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Transitioning into liminal space

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Restorative Justice, Sexual Assault, and Me! [Jul. 25th, 2017|10:48 pm]
Transitioning into liminal space
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[State of Being |thoughtfulthoughtful]

After doing pretty well most of the day, I had a mood crash this evening. Danae suggested we work on a puzzle together, and after spending a bit of time gathering up my motivation, I decided that was a good idea.

I started feeling better and had enough brain power to think about my mood in a meta sense instead of being stuck inside it. I realized that something I heard on the radio on the way home probably had a lot to do with how I was feeling. I hadn't actually thought about it since getting home, but it was percolating in there.

NPR was talking about a movement toward a restorative justice approach to sexual assault on college campuses. Restorative justice, they said, is a cooperative approach that involves facilitated discussion. (Contrast this with a traditional, adversarial, approach that involves something like a trial and punishment system.) In this discussion, the goal is for the rapist to take responsibility for zir actions and to work with the victim to make amends in a way that is meaningful to zir.

My feelings about that (which are mixed but hopeful) aside, it made me think about my own experiences with non-consensual sex. (I've written about this in detail elsewhere, and do not plan to do so here beyond vagueries; if you would like more detail, ask and I may [or may not] answer.)

The idea of the responsible party really understanding the gravity of their action and doing something meaningful for their victim is wonderful. The rapist and survivor quoted in the show both seem to have taken powerful, positive actions as a result of it. After the radio piece was over, I thought about how such a resolution would feel for me.

In my case, I don't believe the people involved had any intent to cause harm nor understanding of the way those experiences felt to me. I'm terrified of the idea of talking to them about it; I wouldn't know what to say or how to explain what happened and why, or why I deserve any kind of apology for it. How does one deal with a situation that zie doesn't even realize was con-consensual - that due to my own neuroses and fears I wasn't in a position to give uncoerced consent - except in retrospect. I don't think that positive resolution the rapist and survivor created together is something that is possible for me to have.

And that, I realized as I talked to Danae over the puzzle, was really getting me down, you know?

But just talking about it actually made me feel a lot better. And then we worked on the puzzle. And it was so good. The little things really are, when properly appreciated.

The radio piece, for those who may be interested: http://www.npr.org/2017/07/25/539334346/restorative-justice-an-alternative-to-the-process-campuses-use-for-sexual-assaul
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(no subject) [Jul. 23rd, 2017|08:21 pm]
Transitioning into liminal space
[State of Being |okayokay]

At some point yesterday, possibly during my bike ride (though that seems unlikely based on where things were), I lost my wallet. I'm still not convinced that it won't turn up, but Miriam and I did a lot of looking and did not find it. No strange charges have appeared on my account, so I doubt it was stolen.

I was terribly frustrated this morning as I'd been planning an Ikea and thrifting trip before going up to Wisconsin for friends' party in Racine and dropping in at my parents' place. Instead, I dug through everything three times, then went to sleep on the couch.

I'm feeling better after the nap and a brief ride along the end of my path to where Miriam called me on the phone about a mile from home, hoping the wallet would be there. (It was not.) Coincidentally, my debit card was not in the wallet, so I still have that, and my SS card is with my passport at home. Tomorrow, I'll try and get a replacement.

In the meantime, Miriam and I are going to Ikea anyway. We're going to buy a king bed. Wonderful consolation for a missing driver's license, even if we'll have to wait for delivery.
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More Manga! And Audio Gear... [Jul. 17th, 2017|06:47 pm]
Transitioning into liminal space
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[State of Being |happyhappy]

So...the Evanston Goodwill may now have a lot less yaoi manga. (And they're down one Sony 100 disc CD-changer too...)

I bought basically all of them that weren't part of a series (and a few that were). 27 (more) volumes for what I'd pay for two new at a store; I can live with that.

Now I need to figure out where to put my new audio toy.
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(no subject) [Jul. 16th, 2017|08:45 pm]
Transitioning into liminal space
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[State of Being |contentcontent]

Not that this applies to anyone hwere, but as I wrote on Facebook:

I have no personal stake in who is cast as The Doctor. I haven't watched the series, and don't really care (though I love K-9 and Tom Baker's scarf).

But loud negativity about The Doctor now being female for no other reason than zie is now female is a good way to make me angry. I don't have the brain to deal with things that make me angry right now, so I'm just going to unfriend you.


I'm digitizing a Folkways recording of Woody Guthrie singing with Leadbelly, Cisco Houston, Sonny Terry, and Bess Hawes. It's the first time I've heard "Hard Traveling"; I really dig it. I'm adding it to my list of train songs, and driving music in general.

Sadly, the notes that the jacket says are included in the pocket are missing.


Danae and I had a fun trip to Mitsuwa and Ikea today. Multicultural foods and furniture! I had some fresh Bul-go-ki, a lovely daifuku, and a soft-serve green tea ice cream cone. (Then for dinner, we got take out from Table-to-Stix here in Evanston. Soooo good!)

We were looking specifically for a matching bookcase for the one I snagged in the alley recently and looks really good in our bedroom! So, of course, they were out of stock. But we got glasses (Nathan owned most of the ones that had been here so we needed more), a set of shelves for my audio componentry, some boxes for our closet, and other things. 'Course, I'll have to go back again for that bookcase.

Danae and I haven't really taken any kind of trip that was just she and I for a while. Though I messed up scheduling with other people today and feel bad about that, spending the day with my partner was really good for my brain. I love her muchly, and time with her is more precious that I sometimes remember.
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Bahá'í Temple Fountain Basin [Jul. 15th, 2017|11:20 pm]
Transitioning into liminal space
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[State of Being |artisticartistic]

The strikingly blue tiles in the fountains all around the Evanston Bahá'í temple are gorgeous in the sun. Of course, so is the building. (From a trip Danae and I took to see the building two years ago.)

Bahá'í Temple Fountain Basin - Evanston, IL
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Neither is From the Present, Let Alone the Future [Jul. 15th, 2017|10:52 pm]
Transitioning into liminal space
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[State of Being |okayokay]

Past and...less past but still obsolete (no HDMI).

Past and...less past.

My early 1970s Marantz reciever sits above a 2000s (I think) Sony Receiver that I picked up off the curb a few years back

The Sony is running our surround sound setup, and I'm currently using the Marantz for digitizing Lisa's vinyl collection, along with a Realistic linear-tracking turntable (thrifted).

One of the little details I love about the Marantz is the so-very-70s-style red indicator that lights up to tell you when you're listening to something in stereo.
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A Different Kind of Bad Dream [Jul. 14th, 2017|07:07 am]
Transitioning into liminal space
[State of Being |awakeawake]

Which is worse? The dreams I wrote about last night, or the one I woke up from this morning in which I was losing a lot of my hair, despite there being no history of male-pattern baldness in my family, and had to face the fact that I would never have the kind of hair that being prosopagnosic has made so important to me? I'm not sure...

At least I'm up at 6:30 in the morning and feel the most awake I have in the morning for a long time.
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(no subject) [Jul. 13th, 2017|10:14 pm]
Transitioning into liminal space
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[State of Being |awakeawake]

It's been another difficult week.

I had another version of the school dream. I was wandering around the corridors of a school while classes were in session. I was supposed to be in a class, but I'd been too busy to keep up with it and if I went into the room the professor would find out and I'd be ashamed of myself. A few days before that, I had a dream bout being at the shelter I volunteer at (number 1) and one of the long-time people there was criticizing the way I was handling the dogs, with justification. I felt terrible about myself; that I'd been failing in my commitment to the animals.

I've been told a few times at the shelter I work at (number 2) that I'm doing tasks too slowly. Added to some confusion and conflicting information about which way certain things should be done, and some political stuff, I've been very uncomfortable at times. On Tuesday, I forgot my morning Bupropion pill and during the day I half-seriously wondered if there was so much stress there that I'd do better for myself if I resigned and went back to dog-walking. Once I was on meds again, things were more manageable. That day confirmed again how much these meds do for me.

So I'd better get over my anxiety about scheduling a new appointment with my psychiatrist. I had to cancel one after starting work full-time, and haven't managed to reschedule one. They've left me voice mail a few times, but I haven't managed to get back to them. (With Danae's help, I finally called this evening, but they were closed. I may have to call during my lunch break.)

My appetites for sleep and chocolate have been high this week. For several days, I've come home and fallen asleep on the couch until late, had some food, and gone to bed. I think it's more depression that sleepiness. I slept 'till nine again today, but I'm feeling better this evening than I have for a while.

I need to figure out a way to get myself to, as a habit, get on my bike for an hour or so after work every day. Being lethargic and depressed wastes more time than that every day so there isn't a time loss, and I know it would be good for me. It's really hard to do though.

Other things have happened that I mean to write about, but I haven't gotten to them. My uncle came to Kenosha to meet me at my parents' house. He picked up my grandfather's smithing tools and equipment for he and his sons to use. Not having used them for so long made me sad; I felt a bit like I was letting my grandfather down. I felt a connection to him through them as well, and will miss being able to touch the anvil as I enter the basement at my parents' house. But I'm also happy to know they will be getting some use, and my uncle described the arrangement as a sort of taking care of them for me until a day I might have space for them again. They're in good hands until then.

I went up to Kenosha on...was it Monday?...to pick up my Marantz and visit my family. I hit four thrift stores on the way north, and then my dad and I went to another five together in Kenosha and Racine. I'm happy to have spent some time with him.

We had surprise bunny babies at shelter 2. The rabbit was at the vet a week before, after it was surrendered to us, and they noticed nothing amiss. One morning this week I opened her cage and saw straw writhing around as though something were under it. I looked more closely and saw some kind of large, pink thing that looked like a grub. "What the hell?" I said, looking closer. The thought that there was some kind of giant bug in the cage really freaked me out until I realized it was three baby bunnies.
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Tired and Sleepless [Jul. 7th, 2017|10:54 pm]
Transitioning into liminal space
[State of Being |amusedamused]

I came home feeling like I haven't gotten enough sleep in at least a week. I went to bed early, but got up with the dog's dinner alarm and, though I'm still tired, can't seem to sleep.

Probably explains the strange connections in my brain. As I watched Danae playing Dragon Age: Inquisition, an NPC approached her and said "They say you're the herald of Andraste."

I said "Some call me the herald of Andraste. Some call me the gangster of love." It's probably not as funny as it sounds to me.
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Elton John [Jul. 3rd, 2017|07:05 pm]
Transitioning into liminal space
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[State of Being |okayokay]

I just got through digitizing Elton John's "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road." Not only does it do nothing for me, but I actively dislike a few of the songs. Meh. It's on to Kansas' live album "Two for the Show" now, which I'm liking a lot more. Prog rock.

I'm going to go mop the floors. We have our prospective housemate visiting on Wednesday!
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