|Open Doors Chicago, Piper, mental health
||[Oct. 15th, 2016|09:19 am]
Transitioning into liminal space
Today is the first day of Open Doors Chicago: it's an architectural tourism event where over a hundred architecturally remarkable buildings are open for free tours to the general public throughout Chicago. I've wanted to get to Open Doors for years, but somehow there has always been an unavoidable scheduling conflict. Now, finally, I'm in easy distance, don't have other commitments, and could make a list of cool places and jump on my bike to see them.
And I just don't feel motivated. It's so strange for me to have the chance to do something so awesome related to architecture and just not be feeling it. But I also haven't been doing much bicycling at all lately either; I just haven't really felt motivated. Maybe I'm having another depressive spell? I mostly want to sit at home and play Factorio.
Danae and I have a really nice evening yesterday. It was the day of the NU anime club, and they were viewing four episodes of different TV shows to decide what series to watch for the rest of the semester. I'd been really tired and a little headachy, so I took a long nap during the day and was up a little late for the five o' clock start. I'd been hesitant about whether I really wanted to go, but in the end I decided that both of us get out and see other people so little that the chance to do so together is one I shouldn't pass up. I walked to the campus and met her there, seeing the end of the first episode and the other three with her. One of them, Occultic 9, was so fast and disjointed that trying to keep track of it was a bit like scouring my brain with something abrasive. It was tiring to watch. The second, Drifters, was kind of interesting but not inspiring. The last one, the first episode of a show about an alternate World War II with a witch/sorceress helping the princess of a tiny mountain kingdom standing against "Germania" was really good and I enjoyed watching it. I hope that ends up being the series they see more of.
Danae and I walked home and stopped at Chipotle for a buy one-get one burrito deal (you can get a coupon if you go to their site and play a silly game) and then snuggled on the couch for more Anime. My dad had found Vampire Hunter D for me, a wonderful post-apocalyptic sci-fi fantasy horror western romance from 1985, and I wanted to share it with her. But it turned out the copy he gave me was a newer redub and I hated the voices immediately. To my delight, I found the version that I new in whole on Youtube, so we put it on the TV and curled up with Piper. Once it was done, it auto played the newer movie with the same character, Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust. I'd never seen it so we watched that one too. I prefer the original, but I have to admit that the newer one is really pretty! As is D. If I have any 'type' when it comes to guys, it's vaguely feminine long-haired men. Even as a kid and before I had long hair myself, I loved seeing long-haired men in fiction.
Anyway, here I am this morning. Piper woke me again as usual. She's calm and quiet most of the night in her crate in the living room, but she tends to start barking around 8. I'm hoping both that I can train her to stop doing that, and that I can also leave her out for the night once she's not in heat and her diabetes is under control.
She's doing better in the last week or so I think. When I took her to the vet on Tuesday, I found out that I was only giving her half the does of insulin that she was supposed to get. She needs five units, but I was drawing insulin up to the fifth line, which on these syringes, mark half-units. I thought I'd been taking such good care of her, and when I found out I'd been doing it wrong I felt deeply awful. I was depressed for a lot of the day, and napped on the couch where I had nightmares about her bleeding and peeing on everything while I helplessly looked on.
The shelter staff reassured me that it wasn't my fault, and that they had incorrect information. I don't know where it came from; maybe it was from the previous owner and that's why her diabetes was not managed well. Anyway, she's now getting her full dose and I do feel like she has more energy and is feeling better. That's a huge relief for me. There are things I get from being with a big dog that I don't get from her, but I really care about her a lot and felt just terrible when I learned that I was doing things wrong. Small or not, I can still bury my nose in her fur and sniff, and the smell of dog is reassuring and soothing in a way that I just can't explain. I'm glad she's here, and I'm glad that we're able to take care of her. However imperfect I am at it, I know that she needs special care that not a lot of situations could ensure she gets.