|Behavioral Health Appointment
||[Jan. 3rd, 2017|04:06 pm]
Transitioning into liminal space
Even if I don't do anything today other than walk the dog, eat junk, and sleep, I at least followed up on the referral from my doctor a few weeks ago and made an appointment with the behavioral health department at the clinic. That was the most important thing to do today.
Life has been this series of mental setbacks that I manage to almost recover from before the next one comes along and sidelines me. (I must be feeling off; I'm using sports metaphors!) In the last month or so, I can think of two really good days (right after getting back from Canada), which for me means that, for the majority of the day, I had enough energy and positive thoughts that chores seemed doable, activities elicited interest, and I didn't have enough negative thoughts to want to close my eyes and sleep and think about nothing.
I don't know if I would have gotten off of the couch today except that Piper's food alarm goes off and she needs care, and Danae texted me to remind me to eat real food and to make that appointment. So I ate a couple pieces of leftover pizza in addition to the chocolate and ice cream, and more importantly, I made that phone call. I am a terrible advocate for myself and am not good at explaining objectively what's going on in my head to someone I don't know (I feel embarrassment and shame about some of it), so Danae is coming with me to the appointment. Before Syracuse, I really disliked the idea of mind altering substances, including SSRIs and other meds. I've always been scared of the concept of not being in control of my brain. Now, I'm hoping that they'll raise my dose of Escitalopram and that more meds might help me feel as though I can rely on myself to be functional on any given day.