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Transitioning into liminal space

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(no subject) [Feb. 19th, 2019|01:14 pm]
Transitioning into liminal space
[Tags|]
[State of Being |excitedexcited]

Also, my trip to the museum with Erik?

...

It's a date.

*bounces*
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(no subject) [Feb. 19th, 2019|01:13 pm]
Transitioning into liminal space
[Tags|, , , ]
[State of Being |nervousnervous]

Yesterday was full of closet organizing! I bagged and moved lots of stuff that doesn't fit me and then organized several machine-loads of clean clothes that had been on the floor for a while. In the middle, I turned on my HEPA air filter in the middle because my voice and throat were suffering from dust. I also washed all my new clothes and hung them to dry on the folding rack. Tonight I'll put them away and feel all organized and content.

This Saturday, on a trip to the Field Museum with Erik, I'm going to wear some of my new clothes Nathan helped me shop for. I do not have personal experience as a trans-woman to compare to, but it feels like maybe it's harder or scarier for me to go out wearing clothes and a hairstyle I think is cute and fem but with facial hair than making an attempt to 'pass' would be. People unapologetically rejecting binary gender seem rather less common than people who adhere more closely to a binary gender category that doesn't match their sex. I will be seen by a lot of people as a walking joke. It's hard to weigh so many viewpoints against each other; how I want to look and feel to myself vs. how I want to be seen by people I care about (which I worry about too) vs. how I'd like to be seen by strangers in various contexts.

I think it might have been easier for me if I'd started figuring this out when I was younger like a lot of NB folks. Regardless of that, though, it's not going to get much easier very quickly given the current bitter fighting between society's progressive and conservative social ideals.

I'd like to think that a more authentic mode of self-expression will help me find more community that I fit in with. I'm not sure though, since I'm really bad at finding community in general. If I'm not putting myself at risk of losing my health and/or source of income though, (and I don't think I am, though I'm still a long way from trying to be clearly NB at work), maybe just being me will help me...be me.
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(no subject) [Feb. 18th, 2019|10:03 am]
Transitioning into liminal space
[Tags|]
[State of Being |geekygeeky]

I was just now cleaning some stuff out of my purse and looking for my Chapstick when I found a mini chocolate bar. I don't even remember putting that in there. Thanks, past me!

---

My new storage bins have some missing drawers and it seems to me that replacement ones should be printable. I have calipers and a ruler, but no CAD knowledge. I expect I could figure it out so that'll be a project for some point in the future, but I'll be occupied with other stuff for a while. But it'll be nice to have all the drawers there, eventually.
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(no subject) [Feb. 18th, 2019|07:50 am]
Transitioning into liminal space
[Tags|, , , , , ]
[State of Being |chipperchipper]

I'm feeling unusually positive and energetic this morning!

Nathan went clothes shopping with me at the Goodwill yesterday and I'm pretty sure it's the most I've spent on clothes at a thrift in one trip. He was invaluable for both help in picking things out and in holding my metaphorical hand as I tried articles and combinations out.

I have a big closet sort to do soon. Not only have I been just piling up my clean clothes on the floor (don't judge?), but a lot of the fem stuff I have in there doesn't work for me right now. It's time to put that all away and hang the new stuff where I can see it and figure out what I can wear.

Oh! I also found two more pairs of jeans, one of which I actively like. It's so nice to go to work in clothes I feel affection rather than meh-ness (that's a word, right?) for.

We picked up Danae and went for ramen afterward. Nathan had never had *good* ramen and I love sharing new experiences with people!

---

Danae and I spent Saturday at Capricon, mostly playing board games with Anthony and a few other folks. I played a few new-to-me things I really liked, and saw other new things in the dealers' room I thought about buying. But we went out for dinner with Lisa and didn't get back until the room was closed. That might be just as well.

---

Last but not least, my dad's potentially serious health problem I'd been worried about turned out to be not so serious after all. That's a relief!
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(no subject) [Feb. 16th, 2019|07:03 am]
Transitioning into liminal space
[Tags|]
[State of Being |excitedexcited]

After sorting with Erik, I washed and cleaned out all the drawers I bought. All of these, plus the random stuff inside, for $20.

My workbench will be organized!

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(no subject) [Feb. 15th, 2019|01:55 pm]
Transitioning into liminal space
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I started playing this furry dating game that's free on Steam. I met a few interesting people in the intro where you're out at a social space. I followed up with this very cute writer/poet boy and went to a bookstore with him to listen to an author speak, then surprised him with a signed copy of the author's newest book. His response was so adorable!

So then my character was back home and I got the feeling that I was supposed to do more stuff before the end of the day. I could call another of the people I met, but it made me anxious. Am I supposed to be pursuing someone else when I just started dating writer boy? Does this game expect you to have multiple ongoing relationships? Will the writer boy be upset? He's so sweet and geeky and excitable and hopeful and I don't want to make him sad.

I got anxious enough already just picking through dialog options on our date, and now I need to make decisions without knowing whether they're going to hurt the person I already connected with and really like? (Yes, I know these are all fictional constructs. But I don't want to hurt them!)
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(no subject) [Feb. 15th, 2019|10:17 am]
Transitioning into liminal space
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[State of Being |hopefulhopeful]

Rufus, our foster Chihuahua, started a second seizure medicine a week ago. He had another seizure yesterday morning, but it was much more mild than the ones he's had before. Previously, his limbs would lock and spasm and he couldn't do anything but shake. This time, he was able to slowly move around, wobbling as though he was drunk, and was even able to eat a little if I fed him individual pieces by hand. It was a huge relief to see!

I don't know how long it lasted because I had to get to work, but he was doing well enough that I wasn't worried about putting him in the crate like I always do before work.
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(no subject) [Feb. 15th, 2019|09:16 am]
Transitioning into liminal space
[Tags|]
[State of Being |annoyedannoyed]

Republicans at the national level, including the President, are pushing for these coal plants to stay open. The TVA says that the capacity is unnecessary and, in fact, they sometimes lose money when operating. The Republicans say that the loss of jobs will hurt too many people.

So the anti-welfare right wants to, essentially, subsidize people's livelihoods by keeping them in their useless jobs while the managing bodies lose money operating unnecessary equipment.

Almost sounds like they want to, you know, basically give money away to able-bodied people even though they're not actually doing any important work.

Huh. Isn't that funny?

It seems to me that, all in all, the authorities involved would actually save money if they just gave them their paychecks and let them stay home. Surely the political right will see the sense in that?

But they won't. Irrational concepts of immorality inform their decisions. Paying people for working and encouraging people to work? Moral. Paying people who aren't working? Immoral encouragement of dead-beats. Who cares whether that makes any god-damned sense outside of their own heads.

https://www.politico.com/story/2019/02/14/tva-trump-coal-plants-1170008
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(no subject) [Feb. 15th, 2019|07:22 am]
Transitioning into liminal space
[Tags|, ]
[State of Being |hopefulhopeful]

Not that I know many local folks here, but as I posted on Facebook:

I've been putting off getting more fem clothing because I'm not the shape I want to be long-term. But it's not like I'm going to spend 100s of dollars on clothes; I do thrift stores.

Would anyone who knows fem clothes like to go on a shopping trip with me and help me figure out outfits and what would look nice on me? Everything else fem that I've done, like nail polish or pigtails or the occasional skirt, have been greeted by the world in general with a big lack of notice, and I've been left wondering why I didn't do that years ago. I don't want to be saying that in a few years time.
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(no subject) [Feb. 14th, 2019|09:27 am]
Transitioning into liminal space
[State of Being |curiouscurious]

I posted in a conversation between a woman from India and another from Sweden in a group online. The Swedish woman's name is Linnea, and I said that there's a Swedish bakery called Linnea's in Kenosha, Wisconsin where I grew up that's *soooo* good.

Then I looked at the words Kenosha and Wisconsin and thought the place-names that those women are used to and wondered if Kenosha Wisconsin just looks like an exotic and mysterious jumble of letters to them like Indian and Swedish place-names look to me.
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