||[Oct. 8th, 2019|08:52 am]
Transitioning into liminal space
I'm having a pretty hard time concentrating today, but it's better than yesterday.
I went out to buy shipping boxes yesterday. The shelf was empty so I waited for them to get a pallet from storage. Complications on their end led to that taking a long time and eventually they asked me if I wanted large ones for the price of the mediums I wanted. Though these are going to NL, I decided I could just pack towels and clothes in the extra space.
I finally got home with boxes and found that I'd left my phone in the store. I confirmed by checking online to see where my phone was, then went back and asked at customer service. They hadn't seen it. I checked the area by the boxes, then looked around the parking lot without success. I went back inside and the customer service person saw me and was nice enough to walk around with me while calling my phone. Another staff member found it and brought it over and I went back home, buying stamps on the way to mail my marriage certificate to get an apostille. I think the whole mess took over three hours.
Erik had invited me over, and I wanted to go, but losing my phone and all that time left me so stressed and tired out and conflicted about what I wanted to do that I couldn't seem to make any decisions. He reminded me to prioritize myself first and I decided to take a nap to try and sort my brain out. But then I remembered I needed to get that license in the mail, so I started on that because it would hardly took any time to get that all together. Except then I couldn't find the two copies of my certificate that I stuck somewhere, and I spent a while looking through everything for them before giving up.
What I *did* find was the wireless USB dongle necessary to move my computer into the bedroom. I'd been planning to do that for a while to make the bedroom into a single space that can feel more like 'mine' while stuff gets sorted and staged and organized and tidied in the rest of the condo to make sure it's all ready for a viewing at any time. I dove into disconnecting, cleaning, and moving all the computer stuff and the desk it sits on. I've got it set up in front of the window in my bedroom now and it feels really good to have everything there and organized and under control. I had to move the bed over six inches or so, and now I need to rearrange other furniture in there slightly to make it look better, but that's a minor issue. I have my sanctuary now. I spent a little while before bed building a house on Posi's Minecraft server; it was meditative.
Since Danae left, I've felt like I should be spending all of my free time sorting stuff and cleaning out the condo. I've felt like it needs to be ASAP and doing other stuff is selfish. In light of the craziness of the day and my missed time with Erik, I reminded myself that even in the event that the condo should sell *tomorrow*, It would only take a weekend with a rented truck to move everything in there into storage, after which I could go through it at my leisure. I'm making progress, selling, sorting, and shipping, and that's acceptable.
I'm going to write something to that effect on a piece of paper that I put somewhere visible in the bedroom that I can look at to remind myself that things are going to be ok.
On a similar topic, when both of my partners think I should make time to start seeing my therapist again, that makes me think they're right.