?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Transitioning into liminal space [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Transitioning into liminal space

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

(no subject) [Oct. 11th, 2019|08:13 am]
Transitioning into liminal space
[Tags|, , , , ]

Today is Casimir Pulaski day! I'm not very interested in in military history and historical figures (sorry [personal profile] cmcmck; it's just not my area of interest), but Pulaski in particular is really interesting to me because he was likely intersex. Given the privacy that surrounds matters of sex and gender, it's a rare thing to have such strong evidence about a historical figure's non-binary sex. It makes a real difference for people in the modern age to know that intersex folks have been around through all of history.

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/was-revolutionary-war-hero-casimir-pulaski-intersex-180971907/
linkpost comment

(no subject) [Oct. 10th, 2019|09:19 am]
Transitioning into liminal space
[Tags|, , ]
[State of Being |hopefulhopeful]

Danae finally got paid!! Yes!! Now I just need a working debit card and we'll both be free of immediate financial worries.

I really really want all the expansions for Heart of Crown and Tanto Cuore. Someday...
linkpost comment

Packing Stuff! [Oct. 9th, 2019|06:36 pm]
Transitioning into liminal space
[Tags|, ]
[State of Being |accomplishedaccomplished]

I finished packing one box and packed a second one to ship to NL this evening. The service I'm going to use, Sendmybag.com, charges $95 for boxes up to 33lbs and $145 for boxes up to 66lbs. The first box is mostly clothes with a few other bits and pieces like power adapters and camera gear tossed in. The second box is board games. All of the games we're planning to ship fit in with room to spare, but that made the box weigh nearly 40 lbs. I ended up taking Heart of Crown back out (it's surprisingly heavy for its size) along with a couple other things. Then I used some of my skirts and tops to wrap the games up in and returned them to the box. That used up most of the room. In the remainder, I put my ski jacket and a handful of cloth shopping bags. All together, after taping and sealing, it weighs 32.5lbs according to my bathroom scale. I hope it's accurate!
linkpost comment

To Work! [Oct. 8th, 2019|01:25 pm]
Transitioning into liminal space
[Tags|, ]

I found my arm warmers this weekend! They're some of the most useful things you can have for Spring and Fall cycling. I rode to work today with those, a light vest, and sweat pants on. It was about 63°F and I was pretty comfortable. Any colder and I might want my knit gloves.

I've ridden 1784 miles over 133 hours this year so far. Here's this morning's ride:

linkpost comment

(no subject) [Oct. 8th, 2019|08:52 am]
Transitioning into liminal space
[Tags|, , ]
[State of Being |tiredtired]

I'm having a pretty hard time concentrating today, but it's better than yesterday.

I went out to buy shipping boxes yesterday. The shelf was empty so I waited for them to get a pallet from storage. Complications on their end led to that taking a long time and eventually they asked me if I wanted large ones for the price of the mediums I wanted. Though these are going to NL, I decided I could just pack towels and clothes in the extra space.

I finally got home with boxes and found that I'd left my phone in the store. I confirmed by checking online to see where my phone was, then went back and asked at customer service. They hadn't seen it. I checked the area by the boxes, then looked around the parking lot without success. I went back inside and the customer service person saw me and was nice enough to walk around with me while calling my phone. Another staff member found it and brought it over and I went back home, buying stamps on the way to mail my marriage certificate to get an apostille. I think the whole mess took over three hours.

Erik had invited me over, and I wanted to go, but losing my phone and all that time left me so stressed and tired out and conflicted about what I wanted to do that I couldn't seem to make any decisions. He reminded me to prioritize myself first and I decided to take a nap to try and sort my brain out. But then I remembered I needed to get that license in the mail, so I started on that because it would hardly took any time to get that all together. Except then I couldn't find the two copies of my certificate that I stuck somewhere, and I spent a while looking through everything for them before giving up.

What I *did* find was the wireless USB dongle necessary to move my computer into the bedroom. I'd been planning to do that for a while to make the bedroom into a single space that can feel more like 'mine' while stuff gets sorted and staged and organized and tidied in the rest of the condo to make sure it's all ready for a viewing at any time. I dove into disconnecting, cleaning, and moving all the computer stuff and the desk it sits on. I've got it set up in front of the window in my bedroom now and it feels really good to have everything there and organized and under control. I had to move the bed over six inches or so, and now I need to rearrange other furniture in there slightly to make it look better, but that's a minor issue. I have my sanctuary now. I spent a little while before bed building a house on Posi's Minecraft server; it was meditative.

Since Danae left, I've felt like I should be spending all of my free time sorting stuff and cleaning out the condo. I've felt like it needs to be ASAP and doing other stuff is selfish. In light of the craziness of the day and my missed time with Erik, I reminded myself that even in the event that the condo should sell *tomorrow*, It would only take a weekend with a rented truck to move everything in there into storage, after which I could go through it at my leisure. I'm making progress, selling, sorting, and shipping, and that's acceptable.

I'm going to write something to that effect on a piece of paper that I put somewhere visible in the bedroom that I can look at to remind myself that things are going to be ok.

On a similar topic, when both of my partners think I should make time to start seeing my therapist again, that makes me think they're right.
linkpost comment

Self-censorship, Group-think [Oct. 4th, 2019|09:46 am]
Transitioning into liminal space
[Tags|, , ]

Recent events have me thinking again about self-censorship and bowdlerization. I've never read any of the Brontës, but I'll quote Charlotte Brontë in expressing my discomfort with defanging venomous words by replacing them with obvious stand-ins.

“The practice of hinting by single letters those expletives with which profane and violent people are wont to garnish their discourse, strikes me as a proceeding which, however well meant, is weak and futile.” -Charlotte Bronte

This (self-censorship) is one of a few examples of practices I follow because they have become socially necessary to avoid hurting other people and provoking anger, but with which I fundamentally disagree. (This is not to say I am right or wrong in that disagreement. It may be that I am lacking information or have failed to fully consider the information I have.) This is true from both an outside and inside perspective. When I think of slurs that could be applied to me, the idea that people who have already chosen to use hateful and hurtful language, or those who don't generally have any need to think about the hurt such language can cause, should be spared from facing up to those slurs if I decide to write or talk about what they've said about me is frustrating. It feels like I am taking power away from myself and ceding it to them.

Either I self-censor in ways that make me feel like my communication is less effective and that I have been disempowered, or I become the subject of anger and potential ostracism by people, groups, and communities that I otherwise might support or find togetherness with. This stuff is really hard for me to navigate and is reminiscent of similar issues that I often encounter when thinking about whether I can feel like a part of progressive, activist communities. I'm so naturally inclined to disagreement and analytical discussion, and there's always *something* a group espouses that I disagree with.

"...it's the suppression of the word that gives it the power, the violence, the viciousness." -Lenny Bruce
linkpost comment

Trump and Public Opinion [Oct. 3rd, 2019|02:46 pm]
Transitioning into liminal space
[Tags|]
[State of Being |thoughtfulthoughtful]

I've gotten the impression that there are folks on my reading list who feel like Trump's fall is essentially inevitable at this point. Like it's just a matter of time. I think that's absolutely wrong.

Admittedly, I don't know politics well enough to offer analysis with authority, but not everyone reacts to the news objectively. (I certainly don't, though I like to think my conclusions are based objectively on my underlying values.) There are plenty of people who don't believe that Trump's actions are all that remarkable or unusual. One of my sources of news and analysis is the statistics-driven FiveThirtyEight. I'm going to be skeptical of all of this craziness leading to any chance of the senate convicting until independents are polling favor of impeachment by 60, maybe 70, percent. Here's an up-to-the-hour chart of public opinion on the topic. https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/do-americans-support-impeaching-president-trump/

The media echo-chamber has more openings in it than a lot of folks realize; my partner, a media and journalism scientist, has shown me that. But worse than an echo chamber where people never hear opposing ideas is what we actually have; a lot of people who do hear those opposing ideas and just dismiss them out of hand.

I've really lost a lot of faith in the effectiveness of the political system that underlies my country. It honestly feels to me like it doesn't matter who's running for an office; Republicans will vote for the Republican and Democrats will vote for the Democrat or refuse to vote as a protest. The actual candidate hardly matters; that's how we got Trump and why it barely matters how vile a human being he is and how worthless a leader he's been.
link2 comments|post comment

Danae's Birthday! [Oct. 3rd, 2019|07:54 am]
Transitioning into liminal space
[Tags|, ]
[State of Being |happyhappy]

This Saturday will be on online birthday party for Danae! She's in Amstelveen, Netherlands, so in person doesn't work. But if you'd like details on how to connect via Skype/Discord, or if you'd like to join me and my family in Kenosha where we're going to be hanging out, please let me know!
link2 comments|post comment

Presidential Rhetoric [Oct. 2nd, 2019|02:38 pm]
Transitioning into liminal space
[Tags|, ]

I've been fascinated lately by what gets self-censored (letters in profane words being replaced with asterisks, for instance) and what doesn't, and what kind of messages and feelings are being conveyed with those choices, and how that ties in to the broader fabric. The one from Trump today is such a weird one.

It's ok to say "BULLSHIT", but not ok to say 'jock strap?'

People are weird.
linkpost comment

Cycling Pain, Gmail Block [Oct. 2nd, 2019|09:01 am]
Transitioning into liminal space
[Tags|, , ]
[State of Being |soresore]

I've realized that what seems to leave my wrist aching and in pain more than anything else I do on my bike is using the left brake. Because of that, I mostly stick to the right. Today it was wet out and I used both for a little extra surety; thanks to that, my wrist pain this morning is, I think, around a 4 on the 0-10 scale with spikes to 5.

Gmail is still blocked at work. Several patrons have asked about it, to which I can only say "I dunno; it's because of some kind of virus thing. Ask the help desk."
linkpost comment

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]